I have been thinking about putting this poem online for a long time. There are many reasons why I didn't. They are obvious when you read it.
Sandie Castle and I lived together for a couple of years. Some of that time was glorious. Then I fucked it up. I won't go into the details.Before I fucked it up, she wrote this. She figured me out. Nobody else ever has. I usually put these up on FaceBook too. I don't think I'm going to this time. I'll think about it some more, after I put this up.
Thing is, she is (was) such a great poet, this deserves to be seen, no matter what.
This poem makes me feel the best and the worst in me. That's what poets do, I guess.
I spoke with her last, 21 years ago, on the phone, shortly before I moved to Portland. I ask folks who knew her if she's still alive, or if they know anything about her. Either they don't, or are not saying.
I suppose that I may have to settle for that last time, but I can hear her voice in these words.
I don't own this photo. I'll take it down if the owner wants me to.
A MAN CALLED SOMETIME
for Mr. T.
By Sandie Castle c.
1989
SOMETIMES I BE WANTIN YOU SOOO BAD
Makes me wanna pull my eyeball right
the fuck out my head
hold it up ta my ear and
see can see DO I HAVE ANY SENSE?
SOMETIMES YOU BE WANTIN ME IN SOME
BIG TIME WAY I can feel you tuggin
at the back of my head and
I BE SAYIN TO MYSELF Giiirrrlll—
what does that fool want witchoo?
Can’t the man see that I am crazy?
Makes me wanna pull yer eye right out yer head
hold it up to your face so’s you can see
what you be lookin like lookin like that
when you be lookin at me
SOMETIMES when you be actin out
bein simple bout something stupid
I say Motherfucker
look me up when you git better hear?
And you git all in my face askin Bitch whatchoo mean?
tryin ta stare me down
and I give you the once over
and you be doin a double take
SOMETIMES I wonder if we both cleaned our glasses if we’d
change our minds and think this shit was all a mistake
We just can’t seem to see eye ta eye on anything
You say I do what I say you do
but I say you do what I say you do
and you say you don’t and SOMETIMES
I just get tired of this whole thing so I say
Oh yeah I see what yer sayin but
it’s a lie I don’t
SOMETIMES you be lookin at me hard but
yer eye ain’t angry it’s sweet
That’s when my clothes come off automatically
seem they just fall right offa my body
like they know what’s better for me than I do
SOMETIMES you got a wet sad eye
a circle of heartbreak
won’t let me in actin like you ain’t cryin
That’s when I can’t stand ta look look you in the face at
all
SOMETIMES you be lovin me so hard
up and down till I think I’ll break
but I don’t I close my eyes to die
to go to heaven while my brain be thinkin
if I can have this feelin one time ta hell with everything
And all I know is that feelin and your eye all over me
that eye just smilin and smilin
that eye growin bigger and bigger than what’s inside
bigger than the place I know I’m goin
sooo big that I can’t hide anything
SOMETIMES I be thinkin that eye’s jus
an old street-wise thief
stealin a glance at my secrets
snatchin pieces of my heart quick as a wink
cause everytime you walk out I know somethin’s missin
some stuff of mine that I really need
SOMETIMES I can’t see past your arms
can’t see past the rhythm of the way you rock me
can’t eat anything but those sweet lines
that only you can feed me
makin me think you can keep me alive
tryin to make me think I could die happy
jus havin you inside
talkin that forever and ever
and never never leave me shit
That’s when I haveta pack up my stuff
and stop listenin
cuz I know you MR. SOMETIME
and half the time yer ass is missin
Sandie Castle died in 2020. I never got to talk to her again. I guess I deserved that.
